Is what I’m pretty sure Francis is saying every day right now.
The Boy has officially started his new lease, with a wonderful kiddo who just ADORES him. They’re relatively new to the barn, and were looking for a safe safe mount to build confidence and start attending some rated shows. My trainer immediately knew that they were clearly looking for a Francis.
Apparently the parents were a bit nervous about trying out a 17.1h horse, since the kid has been over-mounted and intimidated in the past, to which my trainer said: “If you want your kid to be safe, this is the horse you want. He is a mother’s dream.”
A MOTHER’S DREAM. Accurate.
Anyways, he’s moved back to my trainer’s main property, he’s being ridden a couple times a week doing 2′-2’6″ish, his kid has great balance and generally stays out of his way, and she stuffs him with treats all day long just for being cute. I get messages from the parents regularly on how sweet and wonderful and entertaining and perfect he is. He’s pretty sure this is what heaven looks like.
They even went to their first show already (his kid’s first rated outing!) and did wonderfully. I always get a little nervous that he’ll be in jumper mode on the first day of a show, but I think the last few years on lease have taught him to truly embrace the hunter/eq life. He was a doll for his kid.
Angel bby
I have to give a major shoutout to my trainer here as well. I know some people feel angst about paying commission for in-barn leases, but she earned every penny and more. She arranged for him to move back to her main barn, she coordinated switching over the farrier and vet, she walked the new folks through getting his Smartpaks set up, she sent me the contract for review. Literally all I had to do was chat with the new leasers to make sure I liked them enough to trust them with my horse, then coordinate payment. That’s it. She made my life SO easy, and she was so conscientious about making sure Frankie didn’t experience a single interruption in the care he’s used to getting.
It’s always a little bittersweet and a little nerve wracking to start a new lease and hope it goes well, but we have a 100% track record of finding lovely families who truly adore and appreciate Frankie for all that he offers. They’re off to a wonderful start, and I’m excited to be their ringside cheerleaders at the summer shows with 2(!) kids in tow!
I was looking back on old blog posts from the past few years, and saw my first and second installations into what is now apparently a full blown series.
But now my little tiny baby is no longer a little tiny baby – she is a full blown toddler! Some mornings I look at her and swear I can see that she looks bigger than the day before. She doesn’t just talk – she holds full conversations, tells inventive stories, can crack a funny joke. She doesn’t just walk – she runs, she climbs, she weasles her way in everywhere.
So of course as she’s grown and learned, we’re growing and learning with her. Someone once said that you raise your younger kids but you grow up with your older kids and that feels 100% on point. We have no idea what we’re doing, we just know that we love this kiddo more than anything in the world and want to do our best by her.
She’s our favorite little creature ever
Which of course means that I have EVEN MORE THOUGHTS on how being an equestrian did not just prepare me for parenthood, but specifically for parenting a toddler:
If it isn’t working, try something else. When a horse isn’t thriving in a certain program or with a certain way of communicating, we work to find a way to help them make the physical and mental connections we’re asking them for. In a similar way, I’ve had to learn to communicate with my daughter in a way that makes sense for her, not in a way that I might prefer or that I think should work in theory. We were getting way too permissive in the spirit of “gentle parenting” and it was leading to a shocking number of tantrums from our usually easy-going little girl. We realized pretty quickly that while we like the concepts, and the core philosophy is sound, we need to meet our child where she is and provide clear structure and boundaries. Since we’ve tightened those up, we haven’t had a single meltdown.
We can be empathetic without being permissive. (You’re going to see a theme in this post, just bear with me). When my horse spooks, I can either choose to punish the behavior, or I can choose to support them through it. Personally I don’t think punishment helps in this situation, as you’re just adding more fear to an already fearful moment. Helping them refocus on something else, providing a supportive leg, all these things help them work out of the situation without rewarding the behavior. In the same vein, I am always always here for a hug and a snuggle if my little is having a hard time. I tend to kinda ignore tantrums since they work themselves out pretty quickly, but I’ll never ignore a request for a hug. I’m not rewarding or punishing the tantrum, I’m just helping her little brain calm down when it needs to borrow my calm.
She cried when we left the barn that day. I gave her big cuddles when she crawled into my lap. It doesn’t mean we stayed any longer at the barn.
On a similar note, clearly communicated and consistently enforced boundaries are everything. It’s confusing for our horses when something isn’t ok sometimes, but other times it’s ok. Same with children. We no longer do warnings. I tell her a rule (i.e. “the spray bottle is only for using on the windows, nowhere else”) and the first time I see her spray something else that bottle is gone. We don’t do countdowns, or “you better stop,” we just remove it and move on to the next toy. She absolutely whines about this sometimes, but not as much as you might expect – we don’t harp on it or have a full conversation about why we took the toy away. We just say “this isn’t for spraying on the chair! Let’s play with something else for a bit” and move it out of sight. No big deal. When Francis used to get mouthy, I’d sharply correct with a loud noise and then move on. No need for an extended session about right/wrong that he wouldn’t understand. We just correct the behavior and then continue with our day.
We can only control what we can control. Horses and kids have minds of their own and somehow manage to make decisions and take actions that we would never expect. We can either get worked up and confused and double down on trying to control that, or we can roll with it and let it happen. Frankie has had days where he doesn’t want to play. I can either punish him into complying, or I can choose to make it a light day and we try again tomorrow. Lina has had days where she doesn’t want to eat what we serve (besides the fruit). I don’t force feed her, I just trust that she won’t let herself starve and keep serving a variety without making a big deal about it. It all evens out – for every day she turns down all non-fruit foods, there’s another day where she eats 13 meatballs for dinner then passes out (true story). Trying to control every day isn’t productive for us, we just keep an eye on the overall.
Not relevant I’ll just never turn down a chance to include a Francois Nap Pic
Everyone likes to feel like something was their own idea. Francisco has always been extremely proud of himself when I can finesse him into doing good work. He noticeably prances when he “offers” something to me and I praise him for it. It’s the same as Lina grows her sense of independence and agency. Forcing her to get dressed and out the door immediately can lead to a lot of resistance. Showing her that I’m putting my sneakers on, and wouldn’t it be cool to wear matching shoes? makes things way more fun because suddenly it’s a game that she gets to play. There are certainly times where I need to step in and make things happen, but giving her some (controlled) choices and making things fun tends to make our days much smoother.
Tell them what to do, NOT what not to do. It’s really hard to tell a horse “don’t do this” without providing a replacement behavior, and it’s similar with kids. Training the absence of a behavior is hard for anyone, it’s a tough concept even for adults! Instead of telling Lina “don’t push” when she’s frustrated, we’ve told her to use her words to say she wants space. It does mean that she’s a little savage who will not hesitate to tell you “walk away” or “don’t touch me right now,” but I see this as a complete win: she’s learning to clearly communicate her needs in a healthy way without immediately getting physical. Taking away pushing as a tool in her toolbox only worked because we gave her a different tool to use.
School bus Francis always knows the right thing to do because he is a perfect animal and can do no wrong
I don’t want this post to sound like we have everything all figured out, because that is VERY far from the truth. What works for our wonderfully calm good-natured little girl likely wouldn’t work for other kids, just like the way we approach things for one horse wouldn’t work for another. And some of these “epiphanies” may provoke an eye-roll from more seasoned parents who already figured this all out years ago.
But it’s been really really cool to try our best, and make adjustments, and try again, and see how that affects our girl’s confidence, her attitudes, and our relationship. We are continuously messing up, trying again, and messing up again. Just like with Frankie, the best we can do is to make sure that she knows in her bones that she is loved and adored, and hope she’s willing to show us grace when we need it.
I’ll close by saying this: we are very very near to adding a whole new baby into the dynamic. And I am quite sure that we are in for a whole new learning curve with a whole new personality. I’ll probably be coming back on in a few months to say that we actually don’t know anything we thought we knew and we’re still making it all up.
But I’m also kinda excited for that. We have the confidence this time around to just say no to things that aren’t working for us, to embrace changing it up as needed, and we’re ready to roll with it and be thoroughly humbled.
And as always, I’m sure I’ll come here to ramble about all of it to you.
I was recently a guest on a podcast focused on balancing motherhood with the horse world – more details to come as the podcast gets ready to launch, she’s doing an amazing job putting it together! – and it was such an interesting conversation that I had to come on here and talk MORE about it.
Because clearly talking for a full hour is not enough for me. I never shut up.
Pic unrelated just an example of how I will literally always keep talking unless physically restrained.
But we really got into how different the journey into motherhood looks for everyone, how we all make different choices based on different priorities, and how we all kinda are just doing the best we can with what we have.
I have a few ramblings that we talked about in the course of our conversation, but some points in particular have been sticking in my brain and I want to flesh my thoughts out on a bit more.
The biggest one is the concept of saying “I deserve to have my own things as a mom, so my family should support me riding/competing.” I agree with this to a certain extent, but disagree in others.
First of all, I don’t particularly agree with the thought that my interests get prioritized. I think my family’s interests get prioritized, and I am part of that. There are times that I really need a break, and doing something to fill my cup is truly in the best interest of all the people that live in this house. There are other times that I could really use a break, but circumstances dictate that the best thing for my daughter is for me to be there for her – she is a toddler and incapable of advocating for herself, so in that case her needs absolutely trump my own without hesitation.
Sometimes she NEEDS to go to the barn and in those cases our needs are entirely aligned.
The biggest counter point to that I see is that a truly supportive partner would take some of the load off, but this is not always realistic. My partner is incredibly supportive, an involved and present father and devoted husband, but his work schedule dictates most of our lives. He can’t take the load off if he’s not there. We do the best we can with what we have, which sometimes means that my interests take a back seat. I’m fine with that. That’s a choice we have talked about and consciously made. It is realistic for this stage of life we’re in. This decision will look different for other people depending on their schedules, support systems, etc.
The other consideration is that horses are Not Like Other Hobbies. It’s not like saying I want my husband to manage dinner and bedtime solo once a week (and before anyone gets cranky, he does dinner and bedtime just as often as I do, this is just an example) so I can spend $100/month on a yoga class nearby. It is thousands of dollars a month, multiple days a week, being gone from the house for hours and hours. It is asking A LOT of my family to tolerate my absence for that long and to spend that much money – it would be just as tough for me to handle my husband being gone for such long periods above and beyond when he’s gone for work. I have asked it of them before and may ask if of them again, because this is a balance that shifts over time, but I do think it’s a bit goofy to treat this like any other hobby when it is SO much more consuming of time and resources than almost anything else I can think of. There’s nothing wrong with making this choice, but let’s at least be honest about the scope of it.
Definitely not saying that mom-ing and competing are incompatible, clearly! I loved my season of doing both. But it was hard and took a ton of backup from my amazing husband to make it work.
So while I am a horse girl through and through and would LOVE to get back in the barn as often as possible, I do not think this is owed to me at this stage of life. I owe it to my family to make the choices that will ensure our mutual health and happiness, and they owe me the same. Considering the time and financial constraints that most of us work under, this means re-prioritizing certain things (I hate the word sacrifice in this context because it isn’t giving something up, it’s choosing a different path. I digress).
Which brings me to the title of this post: shades of gray. For me, horses have always been a black and white thing. I’ve either been completely out of the horse world, or completely in. I haven’t been a 1x/week hobby student since I was 12. I’ve either been leasing/owning/competing, or I haven’t been near a horse.
Finding the balance between my love of the horse world and my role as a mother has been all about finding the shades of gray. I still own (obviously Francisco will always be mine), I don’t really ride or compete much at the moment, but I still come to the barn and participate in other ways pretty regularly. This is a new journey and it’s a hard one. It’s easy to default to the thinking that if I’m not doing EVERYTHING then I’m basically doing NOTHING. And that’s just not true.
Barn days now look like shorter visits where we get to smoosh noses and love on Francis, not like intense training sessions. That’s ok.
I’ve not really had many role models to watch navigate motherhood and horses, and it feels like the ones I do see are operating under different schedule/support/financial constraints than I am so it’s hard to compare notes. Not in a good or bad way, just in a different way. So all we can do is figure it out a little at a time, make changes as life changes, and do the best we can with what we have.
Like I’ve said before, I have full faith that the horse world will still be there waiting for me when my time isn’t needed at home as much. In the meantime, I’ll be noodling and rambling about these decisions as they affect two of the most fulfilling roles of my life: my role as a mom, and my role as a rider.
As Frankie’s current lease comes to an end, we were left with the same question we’re always left with: do I take him back and enjoy him for a bit, find a half-leaser to share with, or do I find him a new lease for the next year? We usually answer this by looking at finances, our schedules, plans for the years, all those good things. It’s why I took him back for ~9 months after his last lease to enjoy a wonderful season of competing together!
He stepped me right back into the 1m Low Adults after I was out of the saddle for 18m without even blinking. Because he is the best horse ever.
But this time around, the answer was pretty clear that Frankie will immediately go back on lease because SURPRISE Lina is going to be a big sister! Like, soon. As in even if I wanted to take him back for a bit, he’d get real fat real fast because I have reached beached whale status and there’s no way I can keep his tubby butt in work. Ya girl gets winded walking up the stairs.
Luckily my trainer is a gift and a godsend, and is sourcing people to hop on and see if he might be a good fit. There’s one family that’s very interested in finding a safe mount to start attending some rated shows, so I’m hoping that works out. He’s thankfully the kind of horse that is very useful to a wide range of people, so I’ve been very lucky that my trainer generally has someone suitable for him when he’s looking for his next job. I’m obviously biased, but who WOULDN’T want a Francis taking care of their kid?!
I mean I definitely feel better knowing that I have a Francis to take care of my kid.
I’m hoping to borrow his time to hop on and trot a few laps to start shaking this kid loose, but there is definitely a joy in knowing that Frankie is cementing his status as an all-star teacher and all-around do-gooder for a whole generation of barn kiddos coming up through the ranks.
It’s also bittersweet to know that it’s going to be a long while before I’m truly back in the saddle. I don’t regret anything, this baby is wanted and loved and we are thrilled, and I find (human) motherhood exceedingly fulfilling and amazing, but that horse bug never leaves your system.
So in the meantime we’re still going to be heading to the barn for Lina to learn the ins-and-outs and give love to Frankie, we’ll show up at the nearby shows to cheer on the team with a baby strapped to my chest, we’ll stay in touch with all our amazing horsey friends, and I’ll keep window shopping for my future mount for when Frankie says he’s done. It won’t happen this year or the next, but I have full faith that the horse world will still be waiting for me when my two-legged littles don’t need quite so much of my time.
How lucky am I to have such wonderful creatures to love?
Surprise! After almost 6 months of not riding (sitting on Francis for family photos does not count), I was able to sneak over to the barn for a lesson! Frankie’s leasers were out of town for the weekend and very generously offered their lesson slot for me.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I have SUCH an amazing track record with leasers. Very grateful that I’ve always gotten to work with such kind lovely people.
This was also my first time riding at the new barn! I had stopped by previously to check out where my guy was living, but that was just a quick hello. This time I actually got to enjoy it!
HI BUBS
And enjoy it I certainly did. The owner is SO nice and told me multiple times that my boy is a pleasure to have around the barn, so we automatically trust her judgement. The place is really lovely and so nice and quiet.
Francis is in the first stall on the left, which is perfect for him: he has a neighbor to annoy, he gets to greet every person that walks in the barn, and he gets lots of fresh air. Seeing his little nose poke out of the window when I pulled up just tickled me.
Even the grooming bays here are pretty.
I obviously had to bring iced coffee, as is tradition
Of course pretty is as pretty does, but I was thrilled to see that Francisco looks healthy and happy. Shiny coat, great muscling, super relaxed and happy to greet everyone, and overall his usual calm contented self. He clearly likes the people he sees every day and is liked in return, and that’s all I want for him. My trainer joked that he has no bad days; he just loves his job and his people.
I swear he actually was happy to see me and I got lots of smooshes ❤ Also tell me why my 17.1hh creature looks like an overgrown pony here??
Our lesson was very low key, since I’m obviously WILDLY out of shape (and yes, I was sore for days). It honestly felt like I had just been on him yesterday. I think there are so so so many benefits to riding different horses, but there is something to be said about riding almost exclusively the same horse for over half a decade. I just know him inside and out. The muscle memory is right there.
Do I have the muscle strength to back up the muscle memory? Absolutely not. But man oh man this horse is home.
As far as jumping, we just popped over a few little crossrails and called it a day. I have nothing to prove to anyone, just getting to jump anything at all is a treat for me. He was extremely mannerly and pitter pattered around like a perfect little short stirrup mount. He’s getting ready for Lina (and she’s getting ready for him).
The biggest smiles for the bestest boy
As always, I was just beaming the entire time and for days afterwards. Francisco is truly a one-of-a-kind animal. I wish everyone could experience what it’s like to have a Francis at least once in their lives.
A little birdie (aka my leaser) mentioned that they might be out of town a few more weekends this fall, and I am so so excited to get some more barn time in as the weather cools down. Between Lina’s pony rides and my borrowed lessons, we’re two very happy horse girls!
Wrangling an energetic toddler, a muppet of an overgrown dog, and an in-your-pocket horse, along with an ever-patient husband and my HAIR deflating in the HUMIDITY, all while it was getting dark, and starting to rain: does not sound like the best set up for a family photo shoot.
But my friend Amy of Mosaic Photograph is just that much of a wizard. Not only did we get some incredibly priceless photos, but she actually somehow made it fun. Despite the toddler crawling under the horse and riding the dog, the horse trying to eat the dog, the weather and the heat and the crazy – we had a blast with her. She took our family photos for us 2 years ago, and I am teary-eyed that we got to update with our girl as she grows.
Without further ado, some of my favorites:
My angel boy ❤
So important to check Maggie’s teeth. 10 points to Meegz for never caring about Lina’s daily exploration of the ENT field.
Much like her mother, this child is a stage 5 clinger and demands constant hugs and smooches. I am extremely happy to oblige.
I adore my little family more than words can say. How blessed am I to have the world’s best horse, world’s best pup, world’s best daughter, and world’s best husband? Not sure how it happened, but I sure am grateful.
Oh Francis. Oh my Francis. My absolute heart. The most trustworthy, kind, brave, big-hearted animal.
Not pictured: us yelling WATCH OUT FOR HORSE DOODLES as she ran through the field
Of course we have so many other photos that I am eagerly framing and gifting to family members, but those show Lina’s face and that’s a boundary we have around sharing her online.
If you are in the northern VA area, I cannot say enough good things about Amy. She is creative, she is kind, she bent over backwards to get the shots, she knows how to wrangle different species, she is simply a wonderfully talented and hardworking photographer and I am so proud to call her a friend.
As you may recall, we were put in a fairly difficult position recently: my trainer had 30 days to find a new location for her clients, as the barn owners are leasing out the facility and needed everyone gone. This hypothetical new location had to have the amenities we’re all used to, at a price point we could stomach, in a location we were all able to get to, and have immediate stalls available for a good number of horses.
Seems pretty impossible. I asked my trainer if it was time to panic, and she told me no. She would tell me when it was time to panic.
And in true Terri fashion, she managed to find an absolutely wonderful place with no panic needed. We’ve moved in to a privately owned barn in a fabulous location, with great turnout, attentive care, a big indoor and outdoor, and an overall beautiful facility! It’s just the owner’s horses and us, and Terri knows the owner as a past HQC winner. It really checks all the boxes and more.
It ain’t ugly
In true Frankie fashion, he has already completely settled right in. The owner/manager has dubbed his snoring “adorable,” so I obviously already love her. She’s got great taste.
It’s really a shame it takes him so long to settle in at new places. Total anxiety stress ball, this one.
While the care and facilities were very good at our last place, I can’t say that I’m upset about the move. That property had some very undergrazed pastures due to years of disuse before the current owner took over, and Frankie had some pretty unpleasant ongoing allergies. No one did anything wrong and it’s still a great place, but I’m perfectly happy to move him elsewhere. The fields here look quite nice, in the middle of rolling Virginia horse country. He’ll get his two favorite things: food and friends.
Yes I got this from a past real estate listing, yes I am a stalker
As a bonus? This place is about 35 minutes from my house instead of 55. Obviously Frankie is on lease so I’m not at the barn that often, but I’m very excited to be able to stop by for a visit with Lina much more easily.
A little Francisco update: he moved his lease kid up to the 0.90m height this past weekend and they did fabulously (he’s been seen counting strides for her once the buzzer goes off, much as he’s always done for me). She’s enjoying all three rings with him, and is even planning on doing a derby at her next show. He’s quite content to be adored and praised for being so good at his job, and his coat and muscling is fantastic. I do miss my saddle time with him so very much, but it’s a different kind of happiness seeing him thrive in this teacher job.
His little summer dapples!!!
Cheers to new homes and more frequent opportunities for snuggles!
This might seem like a weird time to talk about buying a horse – I have a small child at home, we’re hoping to have more small children in the coming years, and my perfect perfect Francis is on lease because I don’t have time to ride.
But isn’t it always the case that when you’re out of the saddle, you have plenty of time to daydream about the days you’ll be back in it? I figured it would be fun to share my daydreaming!
Side note about why I’m thinking about another horse even though I own the world’s most incredible creature to ever exist: While Francois will always always always be a part of our family and have the best care I can possibly provide for him, realistically he is starting to show some signs of age and we are adjusting our performance expectations accordingly. By the time I’m ready to be back in the swing of things, he will be solidly into his 20s and it will not be fair to ask him to go out and do the same job just like he did when he was younger. And that’s ok! He will have a job as long as he wants one at whatever level he is comfortable doing, and he will retire when he wants to. He’s the boss. His needs come before any theoretical second horse.
This patient, kind, generous, big-hearted caretaker of a moose can do literally whatever he wants at any time and I will enable it.
Back to the daydreaming.
My original thought was that it would be fun to invest in a well-bred fancy youngster in the next few years, hand it off to my trainer to get going, and then return to take over the ride once my human child(ren) don’t need to be attached to me 24/7. I still like this idea and it’s still on the table! I may or may not be trying to convince my trainer and barnmates to make a fun little girl’s trip to Ireland and pick out some pretty 2-3yos at one of the nice sporthorse auctions. I stalk the Go For Gold catalogue every single year.
But then I got to thinking: what are my goals? What do I actually want to DO with my next horse?
It came down to a couple things that I want:
I want to eventually compete in the jumpers
I want to feel safe and confident
I want to enjoy their company on the ground
I sometimes want to win pretty ribbons
I want to be able to enter different divisions sometimes when I want a shakeup
It’s not that I want to do the hunters, but I’m a sucker for a shadbelly so throw me in the derbies
And there are a couple of things I don’t care about so much:
I don’t much care about the jump height past 1m. I’m open to doing higher if the horse shows an aptitude, but I feel like there are so many programs and options at 1m and I feel really confident at that height, so if that’s what I stick around in that’s fine by me.
Getting in the show ring immediately. I know my budget will realistically get me something greener and younger, and I’m fine hanging out in the lower levels for a while as we bring something along. I’ve got a great trainer and other resources to call in as needed. No biggie. I’m not aging out of anything so there’s no timeline.
Must also be extremely photogenic
And then I had this weird AHA moment. It seemed so obvious that I don’t know how I didn’t think of it before.
I’m pretty sure I want my next horse to be an OTTB. This would literally check all my boxes.
The TB jumper division is at 1m, so I would have multiple divisions to choose from at shows once we’re up and running. Need a change of pace? There’s the 3′ TB hunters! Not to mention that literally every other class is also an option. But the pretty ribbons in the TB classes? The incentive programs? Yes please.
Our zone is also extremely TB-friendly. Virginia is for lovers, but Virginia is also for Thoroughbreds. The TB divisions are at pretty much all the rated shows around here and they fill. I hear a lot of noise about how judges sometimes don’t like TBs, to which I say head our way, because they are alive and well and beloved around here.
I also just like that style of ride. I’ve ridden big dumbbloods and I’ve ridden ponies and I’ve ridden OTTBs, and I feel very comfortable with that TB style of going (don’t yell at me, I know tHeRe IsNt JuSt OnE sTyLe ThEyRe AlL dIfFeReNt).
Added to this, my trainer is extremely experienced with and LOVES a good TB. She’s participated in the RRP multiple times, often has at least one young OTTB she’s training up in the barn, and has a deep appreciation for them. When I mentioned this idea in passing, she was enthusiastically on board.
So enthusiastically on board, in fact, that she sent me an ad for exactly what I want. Big tall bay OTTB gelding, 5yo, lightly restarted with a lovely rhythmic canter, great personality and calm brain, and showing promise over small jumps. Yes please. If I was anywhere near ready to buy, I would’ve jumped all over this one.
look how CYOOT he is!!!
But we are still in the daydreaming phase, so it’ll be a few more years before Frankie gets a horse sibling. In the meantime, I’ll be saving my pennies and stalking the sales sites for my mom-era jumper!
As you may remember, we moved with our trainer to our current facility a little under a year ago. It was a little longer in the car to get there, but provided a less crowded space with some really beautiful rings and amenities.
The indoor ain’t bad
It’s been a good experience, and the facility has been getting a lot of attention, especially for the state-of-the-art fitness center it has onsite. Fortunately for the owners, but unfortunately for us, this means that someone has decided to lease out the whole operation and we all need to be out of there by the end of the month.
I have Thoughts(TM) about giving 20+ boarders less than a month’s notice. They are not kind thoughts.
My trainer has 10 horses there, and is now in the fairly impossible position of having to find a barn with the amenities her clients are used to, in a location everyone is willing to commute, that she herself is able to commute to, and has 10 stalls available NOW. I do not envy her.
But thankfully she displays more resilience than I do, and is somehow not panicking. She knows most people in our area and has been keeping us posted on the search for a new home. I trust her judgement, and my leasers and I have been staying in close communication about where Francis will end up.
She loves the Frankfurter almost as much as I do
Worst case scenario, he’ll head back to the old barn where he lived happily and healthily for 6+ years. Like, that is the worst case scenario, and that is still a very excellent scenario. So I’m not worried about Francisco being put out on the street. I also have enough friends I could call who would happily house him for a bit while we figure things out. His meals and naps will go uninterrupted no matter what, and he will remain under my trainer’s vigilant care and training program that has kept him thriving for so many years.
I should have more to share in the next few weeks about where we end up! Never a boring moment in the horse world.
On a more delightful note, we’ve started letting Lina do some pony rides more independently, and she is LOVING it. She can tell us most of the basic pieces of tack, she’s learning about grooming tools, and beams like the sun every time she gets to sit on a pony.
Sweet Stormy Pony is her mount of choice, and she has been a literal perfect angel. On our last ride I didn’t have to spot Lina at all, she held the reins the whole time without needing to brace her hands, tackled some ground poles and kept her seat when her pony tripped, and stayed so focused for the whole 10 minutes.
As much as I miss my saddle time, getting to watch my little girl giggle with glee as we pull into the barn is incredibly gratifying. Time will tell if she falls in love with the sport as much as I have, but in the meantime I love getting to share this all with her!
I waffled over whether or not to share this here. This blog has almost always been devoted to all things horses, with my personal life mostly sneaking in around the edges in a light way when it’s relevant to my barn life. But sometimes it’s cathartic to write things down, and I’m just now starting to get to the other side, so here goes.
I had an ectopic pregnancy recently. And it really really sucked.
I know this subject can be sensitive or uncomfortable for many, so consider this a heads up to not continue reading if that is the case. I don’t plan on talking about this beyond this post, so you will not unexpectedly run into it anywhere else on this blog.
The short version is that I called my doctor with some concerns a few weeks after we found out I was pregnant, the staff there brushed me off and told me to sit tight until my appointment 9 days later, and I ignored them and went to the ER that night because I know my body. It took several days of repeat testing to confirm that the pregnancy was ectopic. It was a very difficult few days of having hope repeatedly given and then retracted as test results came in.
Since we caught it pre-rupture, I was able to get an injection instead of needing surgery. This was a chemo drug that caused common chemo side-effects, and I experienced them for several weeks. It took a week to confirm that the medication had done what it’s supposed to, and I’ve been getting weekly bloodwork since then to watch my hormone levels slowly tick back to zero. It’s a weekly cycle of fear that things aren’t working, relief that they are, then grief at having to confront the numerical evidence of it every time. I’m still anemic and easily exhausted and have been told it will take several months to build my body back up.
If I had listened to that first nurse, I would have best-case lost an ovary and worst-case had serious life-threatening injuries. When my husband called to cancel my appointment with them, they did not even ask why or note that I had called with concerns a few days prior.
So this is why Frankie’s hospitalization came at a really really difficult time. At that point I had been told to stay within a 20 minute radius of a surgical center in case I ruptured and needed immediate life-saving treatment, so I had to look up hospitals near the barn and vet hospital to make sure I was close enough. My husband had to keep his phone on high and a neighbor on standby to watch the baby in case he needed to come meet me in the middle of the night. It was a physical, mental, and emotional rollercoaster. I know this also is one of the reasons that I pushed to get Frankie to the hospital rather than wait-and-see; I was already dealing with too much uncertainty and needed him to be safe and healthy with more security.
There is plenty to be grateful for: that I know my body and my husband trusts that knowledge enough that I went in to get checked against that initial recommendation, that the doctors at the hospital were extremely thorough and compassionate in a difficult time and listened when I refused to be admitted in favor of being home with my family, that our babysitter and friends and family were able to help with Lina so she had nice normal happy days while we were back and forth from appointments, that we avoided the need for surgery, that both my job and my husband’s job were beyond supportive and understanding in giving us time off to handle all of this, that our friends and family have surrounded us with love, that everything ended with me being healthy with no expected long-term side effects. Lina has been our endless ray of sunshine the whole time, and my husband has truly been an unbelievable anchor of stability and support and love.
But being grateful for all of that does not cancel out the fear, the dread, the guilt, the deep sadness, and how generally hard it has been. Those emotions coexist, they don’t cancel each other out. There are good days and bad, and the balance is slowly but continuously shifting towards the former.
hellomylivia 